Okay so, re: that ‘biggest lie is fighting is a part of a healthy relationship’ post
I think this is a dangerous post to circulate bc: young people are not given the tools to distinguish between conflict (which is naturally going to be present in every relationship and has the ability to be resolved in a healthy manner) and unhealthy fighting and aggression that serves no purpose.
Especially if a person has been previously exposed to unhealthy relationships, they may lack the tools to handle situations in an assertive (which is what we use to define healthy) rather than an aggressive or accommodating manner. I know SO many people, women especially, who actually think it’s healthy to repress their feelings or concerns because they don’t want to start a fight. And doing so further restricts their ability to develop these skills– and they do need devlopment, handling disagreements is not something that we all just innately know.
Responding in a maladaptive way can exacerbate unhealthy behaviors from a partner, putting that person at further risk and making them feel that their aggressive or accommodating behavior is more and more necessary and never presenting them with the opportunity to respond in in a healthy way and have that also received in a healthy manner.
We don’t focus enough on this skills-building part of relationships. It’s something I’m seeing again and again in the literature as I’m building this dating violence and healthy relationships training. So, given all that, I think that circulating a post that just says, “fighting is unhealthy” without any further context is a kinda reckless thing to do.
(Source: 061119920735)
